Healing isn’t a straight line—it’s a maze. It’s the moment you swear you’re done with toxic relationships and then find yourself back in one. It’s the promise to set boundaries and then hearing your own “yes” slip out of your mouth when you meant “no.” It’s two steps forward, three steps back, and the shame spiral that convinces you: Maybe I’ll never get better.

This is the part no one likes to talk about. The messy middle.

The Fantasy of “Arrival”

Our culture sells healing like it’s a destination. Do the therapy, write the journal, drink the green juice, and voilà—new you. But that’s a lie. Healing is not a before-and-after photo. It’s a lived process, and it’s rarely Instagram-pretty.

In reality, healing often looks like repeating the same mistake a hundred times until the lesson finally lodges in your bones. It looks like grief and rage and silence. It looks like progress so small you’d miss it if you weren’t paying attention.

Why the Middle Hurts So Much

The messy middle feels unbearable because it collides with shame. We think: If I was really healing, I wouldn’t still feel this way. That shame is what keeps us stuck—not the setback itself.

Truth bomb: the messy middle is healing. Every stumble teaches your nervous system something new. Every failed boundary is data. Every tear, every rage-fit, every relapse is part of rewiring.

Signs You’re in the Messy Middle

• Feeling like you “should be further along”

• Repeating old patterns even after awareness

• Swinging between hope and despair

• Isolating because you’re ashamed of not being “healed”

If this is you—you’re not failing. You’re human.

How to Survive the Messy Middle

• Normalize it: You’re not broken. Healing is repetition, not perfection.

• Track micro-shifts: Instead of “I still yelled,” notice: “I yelled less than before.”

• Anchor in your body: Place a hand on your heart and remind yourself: This is part of it.

• Find safe mirrors: Share with people who get it. Healing in isolation breeds shame; healing in community builds resilience.

The Truth You Need to Hear

The messy middle is not evidence you’re failing—it’s proof you’re in it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling fantasy.

So if today feels like rubble, remember this: even rubble is evidence of construction. Something is being rebuilt. Something is shifting. And one day, what feels like endless spirals will turn into a path you can walk with steadiness.

You don’t have to navigate the messy middle alone. Explore cycle-breaker resources and healing programs at www.thewoundedhealer.ca