Breathwork Techniques for Anxiety After Abuse: Finding Calm in Your Body
Jun 11, 2025
In the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anxiety often becomes a constant companion—a hypervigilant state that persists long after the relationship has ended. Your body, having adapted to chronic stress and danger, remains on high alert, scanning for threats even in safe environments. This persistent anxiety isn't a character flaw or weakness; it's your nervous system's natural response to prolonged trauma.
While this anxiety served a protective function during the abusive relationship—keeping you alert to subtle shifts in mood or potential conflict—it now creates suffering as you attempt to rebuild your life. The racing thoughts, shallow breathing, tight chest, and constant tension become exhausting barriers to the peace and presence you deserve.
As a trauma-informed practitioner working with women healing from narcissistic abuse, I've witnessed the transformative power of breathwork as a direct pathway to nervous system regulation and anxiety relief. Unlike approaches that work primarily through the cognitive mind, breathwork engages the body's innate capacity for self-regulation, creating immediate physiological shifts that interrupt anxiety patterns and restore a sense of safety and control.
The Science of Breath and Anxiety After Abuse
To understand why breathwork is so effective for anxiety after abuse, it's helpful to explore the intimate connection between breath, nervous system function, and trauma response.
The Nervous System After Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse creates profound dysregulation in the autonomic nervous system—the system that controls unconscious bodily functions including heart rate, digestion, and breathing. This system has two primary branches:
- Sympathetic nervous system: The activation branch responsible for "fight or flight" responses
- Parasympathetic nervous system: The relaxation branch that promotes "rest and digest" functions
In healthy functioning, these systems work in balanced alternation, activating in response to circumstances and then returning to baseline. However, narcissistic abuse—with its unpredictable nature, chronic stress, and emotional manipulation—creates a pattern of sympathetic dominance, where your system remains stuck in high alert.
This sympathetic dominance manifests as:
- Shallow, rapid breathing primarily in the chest
- Elevated heart rate and blood pressure
- Digestive disruptions
- Muscle tension, particularly in the neck, shoulders, and jaw
- Hypervigilance and startle response
- Racing thoughts and difficulty concentrating
- Sleep disturbances
Even after leaving the abusive relationship, this pattern often persists as the nervous system continues operating as if danger were still present. This is where breathwork becomes a powerful intervention—a direct line of communication to your nervous system.
The Breath-Nervous System Connection
Your breath is unique among bodily functions in that it operates both automatically and under conscious control. This dual nature makes it a powerful bridge between conscious awareness and unconscious autonomic functions.
When anxiety takes hold after abuse, breathing typically becomes shallow, rapid, and primarily in the upper chest. This breathing pattern itself signals danger to the nervous system, creating a feedback loop that maintains the anxiety state.
Intentional breathwork interrupts this cycle by:
- Activating the vagus nerve: The main parasympathetic pathway that signals safety to your entire system
- Increasing heart rate variability: A key marker of nervous system resilience and flexibility
- Reducing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline
- Oxygenating the prefrontal cortex: Supporting rational thinking rather than reactive responses
- Creating physiological conditions incompatible with the anxiety state
As Bessel van der Kolk notes in "The Body Keeps the Score," trauma survivors often feel unsafe in their bodies. Breathwork offers a gentle way to rebuild this sense of safety from within—a way to experience your body as a source of comfort rather than danger.
7 Breathwork Techniques for Anxiety After Abuse
The following breathwork practices are specifically selected for their effectiveness in addressing anxiety after narcissistic abuse. Each technique works through slightly different mechanisms, so I encourage you to explore them all to discover which resonates most with your system.
1. Grounding Breath: The 4-7-8 Technique
Purpose: To quickly activate the parasympathetic nervous system and interrupt acute anxiety
Practice:
- Find a comfortable seated position with your spine relatively straight
- Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge behind your upper front teeth
- Exhale completely through your mouth, making a gentle whooshing sound
- Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose for a count of 4
- Hold your breath for a count of 7
- Exhale completely through your mouth with the whooshing sound for a count of 8
- Repeat this cycle 3-4 times when you first begin practicing
Why It Works: This technique, developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, creates a longer exhale than inhale, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system. The breath holding increases carbon dioxide in your bloodstream, which has a natural calming effect. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, this practice offers a quick way to interrupt anxiety spirals and create a sense of control over your physiological state.
When to Use It:
- During acute anxiety or panic
- When triggered by reminders of the abuse
- Before potentially stressful situations
- When having difficulty falling asleep
2. Diaphragmatic Breathing for Nervous System Regulation
Purpose: To shift from shallow chest breathing to deep abdominal breathing, establishing a sustainable pattern for nervous system regulation
Practice:
- Lie on your back with knees bent or sit comfortably
- Place one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen
- Breathe in slowly through your nose, feeling your abdomen rise while your chest remains relatively still
- Exhale slowly through slightly pursed lips, feeling your abdomen fall
- Focus on the sensation of your breath moving in and out of your body
- Continue for 5-10 minutes, gradually increasing duration as comfortable
Why It Works: Diaphragmatic breathing directly counters the shallow chest breathing pattern associated with anxiety and trauma. By engaging the diaphragm fully, you increase oxygen exchange, activate the vagus nerve, and signal safety to your nervous system. This technique helps reclaim the natural breathing pattern that narcissistic abuse disrupted.
When to Use It:
- As a daily practice to reset your baseline nervous system function
- When noticing tension in your body
- Before bed to promote restful sleep
- When feeling disconnected from your body
3. Box Breathing for Mental Clarity
Purpose: To create balance between inhale and exhale while introducing brief pauses that calm the mind and reduce racing thoughts
Practice:
- Sit with your back supported and feet on the floor
- Exhale completely to prepare
- Inhale through your nose for a count of 4
- Hold your breath for a count of 4
- Exhale through your mouth for a count of 4
- Hold the exhale for a count of 4
- Repeat for 5-10 cycles
Why It Works: Box breathing (also called square breathing) creates rhythm and predictability, qualities often lacking in abusive relationships. The equal duration of all four phases helps balance the nervous system, while the breath holds create space between thoughts, interrupting rumination and worry patterns common after narcissistic abuse.
When to Use It:
- When experiencing racing thoughts or rumination
- Before making important decisions
- When feeling overwhelmed by emotions
- To create mental space when processing trauma
4. Alternate Nostril Breathing for Emotional Balance
Purpose: To balance the hemispheres of the brain and create emotional equilibrium
Practice:
- Sit comfortably with your spine straight
- Rest your left hand on your lap
- Raise your right hand and fold your index and middle fingers toward your palm
- Close your right nostril with your thumb and inhale slowly through your left nostril
- Close your left nostril with your ring finger, release your thumb, and exhale through your right nostril
- Inhale through your right nostril
- Close your right nostril with your thumb, release your ring finger, and exhale through your left nostril
- This completes one cycle; continue for 5-10 cycles
Why It Works: Alternate nostril breathing (Nadi Shodhana) has been practiced for centuries in yogic traditions to balance the subtle energies of the body. Modern research suggests it helps synchronize the two hemispheres of the brain and balance sympathetic and parasympathetic activity. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, who often experience emotional dysregulation and cognitive dissonance, this practice helps restore internal harmony.
When to Use It:
- When feeling emotionally unbalanced
- During periods of confusion or indecision
- When experiencing cognitive dissonance about the abusive relationship
- As preparation for meditation or deeper inner work
5. Humming Bee Breath for Anxiety and Overthinking
Purpose: To create gentle vibration that soothes the nervous system and quiets mental chatter
Practice:
- Sit comfortably with eyes closed
- Place your index fingers on the cartilage between your cheek and ear (optional)
- Inhale deeply through your nose
- As you exhale, make a humming sound like a bee
- Focus on making the humming sound smooth and continuous
- Feel the vibration in your head, face, and chest
- Repeat for 5-10 breaths
Why It Works: This technique, known as Bhramari Pranayama in yoga, creates vibrations that have an immediate calming effect on the mind. The gentle pressure on the cartilage near the ears (if using that variation) stimulates the vagus nerve, while the humming sound itself creates a self-soothing effect similar to how humming or singing calms children. For abuse survivors who experience hypervigilance and constant mental activity, this practice offers relief from the exhausting cycle of overthinking.
When to Use It:
- When experiencing intense anxiety or panic
- During periods of overthinking or rumination
- When feeling overwhelmed by external stimuli
- Before sleep if your mind is racing
6. Coherent Breathing for Heart-Brain Harmony
Purpose: To synchronize heart rhythm and brain activity through a specific breathing rate
Practice:
- Find a comfortable position sitting or lying down
- Without forcing or straining, gradually work toward breathing at a rate of about 5-6 breaths per minute
- This typically means inhaling for about 5-6 seconds and exhaling for 5-6 seconds
- You can use a timer, app, or simply count in your mind
- Focus on making your breath smooth and continuous, without jerks or pauses
- Practice for 5-20 minutes
Why It Works: Research in heart rate variability (HRV) has identified that breathing at around 5-6 breaths per minute creates a state of "coherence" where heart rhythm, blood pressure, and brain activity synchronize in a harmonious pattern. This coherent state has been shown to reduce anxiety, improve cognitive function, and increase emotional regulation—all areas significantly impacted by narcissistic abuse.
When to Use It:
- As a daily practice to rebuild nervous system resilience
- When needing to access clearer thinking
- Before situations requiring emotional regulation
- When working to process complex feelings about the abuse
7. Release Breath for Emotional Processing
Purpose: To facilitate the release of held emotions through conscious breathing and sound
Practice:
- Stand with feet hip-width apart, knees slightly bent
- Inhale deeply through your nose, raising your arms above your head
- As you exhale forcefully through your mouth, make an audible "haaa" sound while bending forward from the waist and letting your arms swing down
- Allow your body to hang forward loosely for a moment
- Slowly roll back up to standing, vertebra by vertebra
- Repeat 3-7 times, allowing any sounds or movements that naturally arise
Why It Works: This dynamic breath practice combines movement, breath, and sound to release tension and emotions stored in the body. Narcissistic abuse often creates a pattern of emotional suppression—learning to hide feelings that might trigger the abuser's reactions. This practice creates safe permission for emotional expression and release, helping to process feelings that may have been buried during the relationship.
When to Use It:
- When feeling emotionally "stuck" or numb
- After recognizing you're holding tension in your body
- When needing to release anger, grief, or fear in a contained way
- As part of a larger emotional processing practice
Creating a Sustainable Breathwork Practice After Abuse
While these techniques can provide immediate relief from anxiety, developing a consistent breathwork practice creates deeper, more sustainable healing. Here are guidelines for establishing breathwork as part of your recovery journey:
Start Where You Are
If you're new to breathwork or find focusing on your breath triggers anxiety (common for trauma survivors), begin with very brief practices—even just three conscious breaths. Gradually build duration as your comfort increases. Remember that healing isn't about forcing yourself beyond your capacity but gently expanding your window of tolerance.
Combine Breathwork With Grounding
For many abuse survivors, focusing inward can initially trigger anxiety or dissociation. Pairing breathwork with grounding techniques can help:
- Practice with eyes open at first if closing them feels vulnerable
- Keep one hand on your heart and one on your belly to maintain physical connection
- Use a grounding object to hold or touch during practice
- Incorporate gentle movement if staying still feels challenging
Create Environmental Safety
Your practice environment significantly impacts your experience. Consider:
- Choosing a space where you feel physically safe
- Using items that signal comfort (favorite blanket, cushion, etc.)
- Adjusting lighting to a level that feels soothing
- Ensuring you won't be interrupted during practice
- Adding pleasant scents that help you feel calm
Track Your Response
Different breathwork techniques may affect you differently, and your responses may change over time. Keep a simple journal noting:
- Which technique you practiced
- How long you practiced
- How you felt before and after
- Any notable experiences during practice
- Techniques that feel particularly helpful or challenging
This tracking helps you identify patterns and tailor your practice to your unique needs.
Integrate Breathwork Into Daily Life
Beyond formal practice sessions, look for opportunities to bring conscious breathing into everyday moments:
- Take three deep breaths before checking your phone in the morning
- Practice box breathing while waiting in line or at traffic lights
- Use diaphragmatic breathing during your commute
- Try alternate nostril breathing during work breaks
- Use the release breath when transitioning between activities
These "breath anchors" throughout your day help maintain nervous system regulation between formal practices.
Navigating Common Challenges in Breathwork After Abuse
While breathwork is generally accessible and beneficial, survivors of narcissistic abuse may encounter specific challenges. Understanding these challenges can help you navigate them with compassion.
Challenge: Increased Awareness of Difficult Emotions
As you slow down and connect with your breath, emotions that were suppressed during or after the abusive relationship may surface. This is actually a sign of healing—your system is beginning to process what couldn't be processed before—but it can feel overwhelming.
Supportive Approach:
- Start with brief practices and gradually increase duration
- Have emotional support resources ready (trusted friend, therapist, journal)
- Remind yourself that feeling emotions is part of reclaiming parts of yourself that were suppressed
- Use grounding techniques if emotions become too intense
- Practice self-compassion for whatever arises
Challenge: Difficulty Focusing or Staying Present
Abuse often creates patterns of dissociation—disconnecting from your body and present experience as a protective mechanism. You may find your mind constantly wandering or feel like you're "going through the motions" without really being present.
Supportive Approach:
- Use multisensory anchors during practice (feeling your seat, noticing sounds, etc.)
- Count your breaths to give your mind a focus point
- Practice with eyes open if that helps you stay present
- Incorporate gentle movement with the breath
- Acknowledge when you notice you've wandered and gently return to the breath
Challenge: Breath-Related Triggers
For some survivors, focusing on breathing may itself be triggering, particularly if breath was affected during abuse (being unable to breathe during panic, holding your breath to avoid detection, etc.).
Supportive Approach:
- Begin with practices that feel safest (often those with equal inhale and exhale)
- Focus on a different aspect of the practice, such as the movement of your hands on your belly
- Use visualization alongside breathing (imagining breathing in light, etc.)
- Work with a trauma-informed breathwork practitioner for personalized guidance
- Remember you can pause or modify any practice that doesn't feel right
Challenge: Self-Criticism About "Doing It Right"
Many abuse survivors internalize harsh inner critics that judge their efforts and achievements. This critical voice may emerge during breathwork, telling you you're "not doing it right" or "not making progress fast enough."
Supportive Approach:
- Remember there is no "perfect" way to breathe
- Focus on the experience rather than achievement
- Notice self-critical thoughts with compassion when they arise
- Set an intention of curiosity rather than mastery
- Celebrate showing up for practice regardless of how it goes
Integrating Breathwork With Other Healing Modalities
Breathwork becomes even more powerful when integrated with other approaches to healing from narcissistic abuse. Consider how breath practices might complement:
Therapy and Counselling
Share your breathwork experiences with your therapist, who can help you process emotions that arise and integrate insights gained during practice. Some therapists may even incorporate breathwork into sessions.
Somatic Practices
Combining breathwork with other body-based approaches like yoga, tai chi, or somatic experiencing creates a comprehensive approach to embodied healing. These practices reinforce each other, helping you reclaim your relationship with your body after abuse.
Energy Healing
Modalities like Reiki complement breathwork by addressing the energetic imprints of trauma. Many clients find that energy work helps clear blockages that allow for deeper breathing and greater presence.
Journaling and Expressive Arts
Following breathwork with journaling or creative expression can help process and integrate experiences that emerge during practice. The clarity and presence cultivated through breath creates fertile ground for authentic expression.
The Wounded Healer's Perspective
There's a profound alchemy that happens when we turn toward our breath with awareness and compassion. Many who heal from narcissistic abuse through practices like breathwork discover that this aspect of their journey becomes a source of wisdom and offering to others—the essence of the wounded healer archetype.
Your journey with breathwork doesn't just free you from the physiological patterns of anxiety created by abuse. It connects you to a deeper wisdom about the nature of presence, embodiment, and self-regulation—wisdom that emerges not from intellectual understanding but from lived experience of moving from constriction to expansion, from fear to trust.
This wisdom isn't about achieving some perfect state of calm or never experiencing anxiety again. It's about developing a relationship with your breath—and by extension, with yourself—that allows you to meet whatever arises with greater presence, compassion, and resource.
As you continue exploring breathwork as a pathway for healing anxiety after abuse, remember that each conscious breath is an act of reclamation. You are literally taking back your breath—the most fundamental rhythm of your life—from the constriction and control that characterized the abusive relationship.
In this reclamation, you discover that while the narcissist may have temporarily affected how you breathe, they never owned your breath. This most essential life force has always been yours, waiting patiently for you to remember its power and wisdom.
If you're interested in exploring how breathwork and other somatic practices can support your healing from narcissistic abuse, I invite you to learn more about our trauma-informed healing services at The Wounded Healer. Through gentle, embodied approaches tailored to trauma recovery, we create a safe container for your journey from wounded to whole.
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